The World I Know
by wonderstance
Summary: Levi assumed she was the girl-next-door type who never took herself too seriously, and she pegged him as the kind of boy who looked like he would always be in a perpetual state of indifference. "I bet you someday you're going to wake up and want to marry me." "When that day comes, I hope I never wake up." / [Levi x OC]
1. Pilot

_The World I Know_  
Chapter 1

_Pilot_

* * *

The first time Levi met Sawyer was on a Friday.

Neither of them liked to concede defeat so they had a natural tendency to butt heads on everything. She could've become another face in the sea of people who didn't really matter to Levi, but nothing was ever that simple.

_"I bet you someday," she'd said, "you're going to wake up and want to marry me."_

_"When that day comes, I hope I never wake up," was his impassive reply._

* * *

The redhead sitting by Levi's bedside wrapped the bandage carefully around his foot.

It took only a moment before she let out a soft little _hn_ of disapproval, unraveling the bandage almost too quickly and rewrapping it around his foot again. She crinkled her nose in irritation, a bead of sweat forming over her brow. She let out a small sigh that Levi would've missed missed had it not been for her hot breath pressed against his pinky toe. He twitched.

She'd been at this for the past ten minutes.

Levi narrowed his gaze, completely dispassionate, "Don't you know what you're doing?"

"Of course I know!" She snapped, "Your foot is just bigger than I expected, and we're low on resources. I'm trying to be precise so I don't have to waste bandages."

"This is a waste of time," Levi replied, "it'd heal faster on its own."

"Then don't come to the hospital the next time you break your ankle," was her snappy reply as she finished tying the bandage completely, "just some food for thought."

* * *

Despite the fact that Levi had actually made an effort to avoid any personal injuries that could get him killed in battle, he somehow still managed to find himself stranded in the hospital with a shattered ankle.

He reflected on his painfully _stupid_ thought only momentarily, knowing that the status of his bum limb would be nothing compared to the loss of his entire squad. The female titan outside the walls had been a bigger nuisance than he prepared for and he was naïve to believe she didn't have some more tricks hidden up her proverbial sleeve. That lack of preparation left most of his squadron dead.

Being a leader was his forte but the perks weren't what they were cut out to be and no one ever told him the kind of bullshit façade of knowledge he'd be putting on half the time. Somewhere deep inside, he knew if he didn't do it, then nobody else would take the mantel of leadership.

He leaned the back of his head back into the headboard of the hospital bed.

A single nurse stood by his bedside, making her routine checkup on his body: a little jab here, a little push there. Another person to waste his time. If Levi had a problem anywhere besides his ankle, then he surely would've mentioned it earlier. Instead, he was sitting here getting prodded. But before he could snap or say anything, the nurse departed his room in a dash, probably off to see another wound far more prioritized than his.

"Good _morning_! I'm Doctor Havoc, but you can call me Sawyer. We met yesterday, but I was in a bit of a rush because we were really, _really_ understaffed. How're you feeling today Mister—"

In paraded a girl who couldn't have been too far past her twenties. She was young, had auburn red hair, fair-skin and a pair of dark ash-gray eyes that looked like they'd seen their far share of wounds and casualties. From what she was wearing (the white coat with a fairly corporate dress underneath), Levi could surmise she was a doctor. The same doctor who'd attempted to wrap his ankle yesterday.

_Attempted_, being the utilized word.

"Levi?" She asked, looking at him with an eyebrow arched in mild confusion, flipping the page of his chart back and forth like she might've missed something important, "Why wouldn't you list your last name? Like, who actually does that on a form that says your first and last name is mandatory?"

"Is my last name a necessary piece of information you actually need to do your job?" He deadpanned dispassionately, sarcasm seeping through every syllable, "Or are you going to continue wasting my time."

"What if we needed a medical history," replied Sawyer.

"I have a broken ankle," Levi stated calmly, "not a genetic disease."

"Why don't you leave it to the doctors to decide whether or not a medical history is necessary," she stated with a strained smile.

"Not when a doctor can barely wrap a bandage correctly," was his final reply.

Sawyer's strained smile disappeared from her face completely and she shot him a glare while lifting a page of his chart up, "_Levi_, huh. Your reputation precedes you."

"It has a tendency of doing that," he didn't even miss a beat.

"But from what I can see, you just look like a midget punk with a big mouth and a bum ankle," she told him.

"Says the doctor who doesn't know how to perform an simple medical practice," he stated, "pretty ironic for someone who chose a career in medicine."

"So tell me what it's like leading a regiment without physically being able to do anything?" She shot back.

"What's it like working in a hospital watching people die without being able to do anything?" He threw the question right back at her.

Sawyer faltered.

Levi knew he hit a thin nerve. But strangely enough, she didn't look even a little angry. Probably because he wasn't saying anything that was wrong. People died in the hospital all the time. More often than not, they couldn't be saved. There just weren't enough resources available at this point in time; and with the influx of trauma patients, there seemed to be less and less attention placed on secondary patients.

Patients like Levi.

"Are you always such an asshole?" She asked him, "Or am I just lucky today?"

"_Hn_," Levi could only take her insult with a grain of salt. He wasn't good at processing his own anger, not that he was even angry at her to begin with. Too much time out on the field taught him better than that.

Sawyer was really quite young, which he half-expected already. Since the reappearance of titans, there had been little time to train new doctors. There were already so few to begin with, and since medicine was such a specialized practice, they didn't have the time or means to put so much effort into each person's training.

What once began as a ten-year prerequisite in education and training slowly turned into a three or four year crash course in treating the wounded.

"Your ankle will be fine," she said, after a quick examination, prodding it only quickly with her clicky pen, "guess you lucked out."

Levi glanced out the window next to his bed with half-lidded eyes. There was a short pause before he continued, "I don't believe in luck."

"Oh? I guess I expected someone like you to say something like that," said Sawyer, removing her rubber gloves from her hands.

This hardly piqued his interest and he didn't even bother shifting his gaze from outside the window, "And why would you say that," his question coming off as more of a statement.

"You're from the Survey Corps, right?" Sawyer said, scribbling down a few notes in his chart, "I'm guessing you probably watch your friends die on the frontlines all the time. I guess it just wouldn't be fitting if you depended on luck to get you through the day."

Another pause while Sawyer continued scribbling in the chart. Levi shifted his gaze to her and he decided to wait a moment before finally asking, "Are you always this forward with all your patients?"

She smiled halfheartedly and brushed a lock of hair behind her hair, "We live in a world where we can't afford to beat around the bush," and she looked at him, pen pausing in place on the page, "seems like if you do, even for a second, someone dies."

Sawyer wasn't saying anything that was blatantly untrue. This world they lived in was a ticking bomb.

She'd probably seen more people die than he would see in his lifetime. If she managed to get this far in life without dying, then she'd probably seen more suffering than he'd seen too.

Levi's job kept him in a constant whirlwind of death and destruction, but at least the deaths he saw became a blur in the storm on his 3D maneuvering device. Sawyer probably never had that kind of luxury working in a hospital.

"Try to take care of yourself when you can," she continued, giving his big toe a light tap in good faith with his medical chart while Levi winced from the sudden jolt of pain that shot through his ankle, "I know it's not common in your line of work, but do me a favor and try not to die any time soon."

"Feeling compassionate all of a sudden?" He asked, recalling her earlier insults: _midget punk_, _asshole_.

"You might be a jerk, but you're a jerk that dedicated your life to saving people," she shrugged halfheartedly, "I just can't spend too much time being irritated by you."

Without missing another beat, Levi threw his legs over the edge of the bed, "That's reassuring. You should spend more time worrying about yourself. Maybe it'd make you a better doctor."

"You really need to mind your manners. Also, spare me the lecture," Sawyer snapped back with a small smile, "learn to let things go. It'll make life easier. And for the record, I'm a good doctor."

"You seem kind of young to be a doctor," he told her.

"And you seem kind of young to be a captain," she replied without hesitation, "guess that means we're in the same boat."

"Different jobs," Levi stated, "different boats."

"Um, saving lives. Same goal," Sawyer replied, "same boat."

"Outside the wall. Inside the wall," he gestured to himself before gesturing to her, "different boats."

"Research on titans. _Survey _corps," she mimicked him by pointing at him with her index finger before pointing at herself, "research on titans. Gross anatomy. Same boat."

He narrowed his gaze. So she'd done her fair share of research.

Sawyer just smiled sheepishly while he made his way towards the door, "If it truly means that much to you, then it's different boats. Grouch."

"Don't screw with me," Levi glanced at Sawyer over his shoulder with half-lidded eyes.

"I'm not, I'm not," she grinned, "don't worry your little heart over it. There are some battles I know aren't worth pursuing."

* * *

He was mulling.

Levi couldn't help it.

He'd lost his entire squad in the span of a day.

He always considered himself mentally capable of taking such a loss and taking responsibility of these situations, and he would never condone this sulking from his own men. But there was only so much he could take before it became too much. He hadn't felt like this since he lost Isabel and Farlan. Even though he was naïve and far too prideful for his own good back then, their deaths were something that changed him forever.

The bustle of the city became far too busy for his liking so he found himself finding a ledge on the wall, a small distance away from the Garrison unit. They wouldn't know he'd be there at all but he was still close enough to remain within close quarters in case there happened to be any titan attack.

_Heichou_, _you look so grim today_, Petra would probably tell him, _Try to smile. You're alive today, aren't you? Isn't that reason enough to smile?_

But she wasn't alive. Not anymore, anyway.

* * *

Levi kicked back and leaned the back of his head into the board of his bed.

There was too much bustling throughout the barracks of the hallway, but he managed to get a room of his own tonight. He spent the whole day tending to it, making sure it was squeaky clean.

"Hi, there!"

He glanced at his open doorway to see a very familiar looking redhead holding the frame of the doorway with a half smile on her face. This time, she wasn't wearing the white coat. Just a black tank top and a pair of shorts. Had he not met her earlier before, he would've taken her for some average civilian.

"You again?" Levi managed to utter, unable to hide the hint of irritation in his tone.

"Um, yeah. _Me again_. You're living in the barracks?" Sawyer asked, "I thought you'd have a nice house furnished by taxpayer money by now. I mean—what're you? 24? 25? Don't you have a bachelor pad or something?"

Levi decided to glaze over the quip about his age (and his hypothetical _bachelor pad_). Those were things he didn't really talk about, mostly because they didn't exist. But she was hitting pretty close to target. It'd been a while since he had a place to truly call his _home_.

"Why are you here," he stated.

"I live in the barracks too," she said, as-a-matter-of-factly.

"Pointing out the obvious," Levi stared at her with half-lidded eyes, "please tell me you're not this counterproductive at the hospital."

"Broken ankle," Sawyer replied, motioning to his foot, "please tell me you're not this counterproductive on the battlefield."

Levi wasn't able to contain his sigh, "Don't you have somewhere more important to be—like tending to the wounded?"

The last part came off more like a direct statement as opposed to a flat out question, but he didn't have time for rhetorical questions.

In general, he didn't have much time for bullshit and he wasn't the kind of person who thrived when it came to petty small talk. Just wasn't his style.

"I just got back from being on-call for 28 hours, so you can spare me the lecture. Even doctors need rest," Sawyer explained, leaning against the frame of his doorway, "how's your ankle feeling, by the way?"

"It's fine," Levi managed to say without sounding too agitated.

"Anyway, my house is far away in the north," she said, "in this pretty isolated little village surrounded by trees. I don't have time to go back and forth so when I work here in the city, I usually stay in the barracks. But you know," and the look of a perpetual dreamer formed on her face, "what I wouldn't give to go back home."

It was only here that Levi finally noticed the two distinguished bands grooved into the wedge of her bony shoulder. Those were the kinds of bands he recognized, the kinds of bands he _knew _because he had the same ones.

They were the bands that soldiers got from wearing their 3D maneuvering devices all day. He would know. He had the same bands on his own shoulder blades.

"Garrison or Military Police?" Levi asked.

Sawyer blinked rapidly in succession, perplexed by the sudden question. But it didn't take more than a moment for her to gather herself, he shoulders relaxing slightly as a small smile formed on her face, "How could you tell?"

"Your shoulders," he said, motioning towards her shoulder blade that jutted out, "anyone who wears a maneuvering device long enough has the same physical bands you have."

"Take a guess," Sawyer offered.

"With that little quip earlier about living in the north, and in incapacity to hide your disdain for the city, you don't really strike me as a _king and country_ kind of girl, so I'm going to have to assume you were a part of the _Garrison_ regiment," replied Levi indifferently.

Sawyer swept a lock of hair behind her ear, "Hm. Well. I graduated from training three years after you did. Feels like it's been a while, but I guess some things just don't fade completely," and with that, she glanced at the bands on her shoulders that he'd pointed out, "but you're pretty observant, I'll give you that."

"How many people did you see die out there?" He asked.

It was an odd question, but since their lines of expertise had such similar facets, he didn't think it was too out of left field. Besides, it was a good way to gauge her sense of understanding. She might've seemed like an idiot; but even Levi knew he couldn't take people at face value. There were deaths in the hospital, and there were deaths on the battlefield.

"Too many," she finally replied with a sad smile.

Silence filled the air. Levi was tempted to ask her more, but she looked like she was mulling something over inside her head.

Sawyer looked up, "Do me a favor."

"No," no hesitation on Levi's part.

She frowned, "Please? I promise won't take more than a second."

It took him a moment for him to process this. If he conceded, then maybe she'd leave his room and stop bothering him. So with a suppressed sigh, Levi asked, "What?"

"Ask me why I believe in luck," Sawyer repeated, "seriously. Just ask."

He was tempted to ignore her completely, but she seemed so adamant, and he was only mildly curious. So he deadpanned, question more of a statement than anything, "Why do you believe in luck."

"That's a great question! A question I'd be happy to answer," she quipped with a big smile, "_Well_."

Here, her eyes softened and she crossed her arms over her chest, "_Luck_ is the line in the sand between the things we have control over, and the things we don't have control over. And from my experience, more often than not, there will be things you have no control over. At all."

"That was more than a second," Levi stated.

"Are you really going to focus on _that_," Sawyer replied, "don't you think it's something worth thinking about?"

"I'm not a fatalist," Levi replied; he couldn't afford that kind of thinking, "that way of thinking is probably also the reason why you couldn't stay a soldier."

She frowned.

"Am I right?" Levi asked.

There was probably some symbolic metaphor hidden away in what she was saying but Levi was far too jaded and removed to actually bother digging deep to decipher it properly. At this point, he just wanted to sleep. This conversation wasn't piquing his interest the way he thought it would. She might've been a soldier on the front lines once upon a time, but people underestimated that kind of life everyday.

Levi couldn't blame her.

And she looked naïve, even though she wasn't saying anything blatantly wrong or particularly stupid. There were a lot of things she was right about. Levi didn't know. She reminded him of himself a long time ago.

"They used to train doctors to fight on the frontlines," she said, shifting the subject matter away, seeing that she wasn't making grounds the way she wanted, "I was part of one of the first four-year trainee programs that taught doctors how to multitask on the field—killing titans and saving soldiers at the same time, with priority put on our soldiers. At some point, the program was disposed."

Sawyer took a deep breath before continuing, "Too many people were wounded within the walls when the titans started invading. So they thought our roles were more crucial remaining in the city and taking care of the citizens."

Levi paused, "I've never heard of such a program."

"Probably not," she laughed gently, "the recruiters came to small, poor villages to take us while we were young. You understand, right? Children are impressionable. _Stupid_. A lot of us didn't have a choice. It was the program, or…well. Starving to death during a famine."

"Were you one of the ones who didn't have a choice?" He asked.

"Yeah," she shrugged halfheartedly, "I was extra stupid back then. Really, _really_ stupid."

A pause.

She looked at him with an arched brow, "You never had a doctor on your squad before?"

He thought about this for a moment. _Petra_. She knew very basic healing techniques. They were mostly from common sense—bandaging, tourniquets, and disinfecting. She never quite demonstrated an intensive knowledge of medicine and Levi had personally seen her graduate from her general trainee program.

So all he could do was shrug and reply with a terse: "We've had medics. No doctors."

"_Ah_. Well, few of us made it to the front lines before we were called back. I don't think we were out there for more than six months in total," she explained. She checked her watch and wrinkled her brows when she saw the time, "anyway, I've got to get going."

"And did you make it?" Levi asked with half-lidded eyes, "To the front lines?"

Sawyer looked up at him and smiled, "It's funny you ask that because, well, you were wrong. I was a part of the Survery Corps. So yes," and a pause, "for those six months, I saw everything."

* * *

**note**—soo, yeah. This is a thing. I guess. Hate to be _that_ writer but reviews = love = fast updates. Not reviewing = no love = no updates.


	2. Of Banana Bags and Resignations

The Word I Know  
_Chapter 2_

Of Banana Bags and Resignations

* * *

"Good evening, Eren!"

In strolled Doctor Sawyer Havoc with a big smile on her face, her long red hair pulled into a high ponytail with all sorts of fray split ends that framed her face like she'd made some kind of effort to look presentable.

She was chipper, which wasn't surprising, hugging Eren's medical binder to her chest, the look on her face not even remotely reflecting the overwhelming exhaustion from pulling a twelve-hour shift. The soles of her feet ached, her skin was dry, and although it wasn't the longest shift she ever pulled, it was surely the most tiring one. It'd been one long week, filled with hundreds of patients from the Survey Corps who'd just returned from their perilous journey outside the walls.

The only thing that kept her going was the fact that it was Saturday and _Saturday_ nights meant the end of her painfully stressful workweek. _Saturday_ meant spending her night at the local bar with her favorite bottle of tequila. The bar was only a five-minute walk away from the barracks. It gave a whole new meaning to _thank god it's the weekend_ and _stress relief_ because it hardly concerned Sawyer that she'd most likely be drinking on her own. Most doctors went home and went straight to bed.

"Hey doc," Eren replied, feigning a small smile in return for good faith.

"Mikasa," Sawyer shifted her gaze to the raven-haired beauty sitting by Eren's bedside, hair in disarray, "we could accommodate and get you an extra hospital bed in here for you if you want. I'm sure sitting in that chair all night isn't very comfortable."

Mikasa's cheeks tinged the faintest shade of pink and she averted her gaze to the floor, "That won't be necessary, Doctor Havoc."

"Well, I'll leave the offer on the table in case you decide to change your mind," the redhead said, scribbling a note down on Eren's medical chart to remind herself later about the extra bed; she shot him a warm smile, "anyway, how are you feeling today?"

"I'm…fine," he lifted his arm and flexed his bandaged bicep, forcing a cartoony little smile to reassure her, "so are you going to discharge me any time soon, doc?"

"We'll probably have to monitor you for another couple of days," replied Sawyer, placing the binder down in the socket attached to the frame of Eren's bed, near his feet, "your recovery time is really incredible. I mean, you came in all bruised up and now you barely have a scratch on yourself. It's really something."

The redhead grinned, "Almost suspiciously fast, considering the fact that we all thought you were going to die. Your lungs were crushed, you had all these internal wounds, and you had a spiked up fever that nearly hit 105," and she removed the stethoscope that hung around her neck, approaching him at his bedside, "but that's neither here nor there."

A fleeting look of panic formed on Eren's face that eventually melted into a funny looking cartoon smile, "_Ah_—you know, I'm just a fast healer. I've been taking my vitamins and all the stuff you guys have been prescribing me. Yeah! Just following orders and stuff."

Mikasa looked more sternly at him but didn't say anything.

He was rambling and all of it could have been highly suspicious but Sawyer decided to give him the benefit of the doubt for the time being, not without raising her eyebrow a little in response. She pressed the turnable diaphragm against the back of Eren's back, "Alright Eren," she said, "breathe in deep for me."

"_Ahem_."

Eren, Mikasa and Sawyer all looked up in unison at the doorway to find a very familiar looking _broodingly_ indifferent captain with his arms folded over his chest. Sawyer only spared him a quick glance, wrinkling her eyebrows in irritation while she shifted the turnable diaphragm down lower on Eren's back. Although she pegged Levi as somebody who looked relatively nonchalant to what other people thought of him, she never expected him to be the kind of person who would walk in on her job for the sake of intruding. Maybe she expected too much from him. After all, if he didn't have a penchant for small talk, then how could she expect the most basic common courtesy from him?

Without saying too much, she removed her stethoscope and hung it over her neck again, picking up Eren's medical chart from the socket attached to the foot at the frame of his bed. She scribbled down quickly a few notes about his heart rate and without even looking up from the binder, she asked, "What brings you here again, Levi?"

"I need a word with you," he said.

Sawyer continued scribbling, and when there was no reply—only silence—Sawyer finally looked up from the binder with a blank look on her face. She looked at Levi, and then looked back at Eren and Mikasa, who were both staring at her with these expectant looks on their faces.

The redhead doctor pointed to herself, cocked her head to the side and without the intention, she asked dumbly, "Who—you need a word with me?"

A mild stress mark formed on the side of Levi's head and he motioned to the hallway with a curt nod of his head. Sawyer decided to go along with the little awkward charade, so she followed him and closed Eren's medical chart, wedging it in between her armpit as she followed the brooding captain into the empty corridor.

"He needs to be discharged," Levi didn't even hesitate, "tonight."

"Okay. Well. Good evening to you too, grump," Sawyer resisted the urge to roll her eyes at him, "but I don't think that's a decision for you to make."

"That's why I'm talking to you," he told her, "aren't you a doctor?"

"Point made," she said, shrugging, "sorry. Can't help you there. I'd be discharging him against medical advice. Take it up with the attending—doctor Suedaïyah."

"Aren't you his doctor?" Levi narrowed his gaze.

"He's higher up on the corporate hierarchy than I am," said Sawyer, "he'd kill me if I went out of my way to discharge a patient he wanted in the hospital for the next couple of days."

"I'd make sure that didn't happen," was Levi's stern reply.

"It's a figure of speech," she said, "anyway. I'm sorry but I won't be able to help you."

He resisted the urge to groan inwardly at the idiot doctor standing in front of him who was apparently trying to take the high road. It seemed he knew she was going to say something like this. So he swallowed his patience and decided to go on a different route, "This isn't a request, Sawyer. This is a command."

"Your jurisdiction ends outside this hospital," she replied, smile fading from her mouth, "sorry to say. Eren was probably in the worst shape of his life when he arrived here. He's healing at an abnormally quick rate, and Doctor Suedaïyah took interest in him. He wants to monitor for a few more days."

"He isn't a lab project for you people," Levi stated, "he's _fine_. He needs to be discharged."

"Why the hell are you so adamant then?" She snapped, "If he's fine, then let him stay a few extra days to recover. Isn't Eren a new recruit, anyway? Why is a new recruit so valuable—"

"—it's not because he's _valuable_," he replied, distaste dripping off that final word, "try to mind the words you choose—"

"—mind my words? Well, aren't you a sweet talker," she snapped, "then what is it a question of? Please enlighten me. Why does he matter so much to you—"

"—he's not safe here," said Levi darkly, barely able to contain himself.

"This is a hospital," Sawyer wrinkled her eyebrows, "if you're looking for safe, this is really as safe as it gets in the city—"

"—he isn't safe to others," was Levi's final, frustrated, hardly contained reply.

Silence sifted through the air and Levi could feel the hairs on the back of his neck rise. Maybe they turned down the heat because suddenly, it felt a little colder and the more he stared at the redhead doctor standing in front of him, the more he could feel his stomach turn.

He could chalk it up to his recent lack of sleep from the night before. Sawyer Havoc didn't look particularly angry but Levi could feel something sinister radiating from her. _He isn't safe to others_, he had said. It wasn't the truth, but it wasn't a complete lie. The pieces of the puzzle weren't completely clear but something seemed to click inside her that became apparent.

"He isn't just a freshman recruit is he?" Sawyer asked, "_Isn't safe to others_. Strange regenerative healing abilities. Kind of like a titan…"

She paused and bit her lower lip, "Wait, no. Exactly like a titan. Wait—was he the titan that blocked the hole in the wall? I mean—that's crazy, right? Just stop me any time I go too far. Isn't that…just the craziest thing you ever heard…"

Sawyer trailed off slowly and stared at Levi with a blank look in her eyes.

It was like clockwork. Like a hundred piece puzzle that were too easy to put together. He should've expected this much from someone who decided to become a doctor. But if he didn't say something now, then her attending doctor would take Eren in like a science experiment. Suedaïyah wasn't someone they could trust. Not at the moment, anyway. As much as he didn't want to admit it, Sawyer was the only person he could trust right now in this hospital.

Silence filled the air.

Then more.

And more.

Then.

Sawyer lifted the binder from under her arm and slammed it as hard as he could against the side of Levi's head.

"Why the hell wouldn't you tell me that when you checked him into the hospital, _bakayaro_!"

The sheer shock of the hit stunned Levi almost instantaneously.

It might not have even been the hit, but the fact that he was hit by a _girl_—a _doctor_—and that irony could not escape his mind. His eyes were still recovering from the dark spots that resonated in the corners of his vision and he blinked rapidly in succession, staring at the chart still raised in the air like she was ready to strike again. It was amazing, that despite her coming to the conclusion that Eren was a _titan_, she was more focused on the fact that Levi hadn't told her about it. All of it could've been highly suspect but Levi surmised that it was probably her duty as a doctor that came first before judgment or anything else. Some petty heroic bullshit like that.

Before he could say anything to even attempt to reassure her, Sawyer stormed off in a huff.

It suddenly dawned on him that she wasn't only angry with him for withholding information. She was angry because he didn't trust her well enough to tell her in the first place. And yet, he was asking her to trust him. Still, it must've been an ego issue. How could she have expected him to tell her? When did he even have the time to tell her? How would this have been a casual conversation?

_Yesterday_ _when she saw you in the barracks_, his inner mind told him but he slapped this thought away.

His thoughts didn't reach too far because Sawyer came back, red-faced, shoveling a bunch of papers in his arms all in disarray, "Have him sign these papers and give it to the nurse at the desk and leave. It's to acknowledge that you're leaving against medical advice," she stared at him, hair slightly tousled from her quick run down the hallway, "take the back entrance out and make sure that he isn't seen by Suedaïyah."

Levi didn't know what to say, so he took the papers from her hands, "You're actually helping."

"I don't need you to state the obvious," she told him, "just _go_. If I think about it, I might change my freaking mind."

* * *

The shot of golden liquid burned down her throat and Sawyer stuck a wedge of lime into her mouth to ease to slow burn, feeling the intertwining tastes of bitter and sour seep through her taste buds. "_Fuuuuu_—" she uttered, unable to finish the –_ck_ at the end of her sentence. She removed the lime from between her lips and placed it on the bare table.

"That's pretty unsanitary," said Aidan, the bartender, motioning to the shreds of lime sitting on the table.

Sawyer shot him a small smile, "I've been in a hospital for the past twelve hours. Please don't lecture me on what's sanitary and what's unsanitary."

It'd only taken four shots for Sawyer to feel time slow down.

Being on an empty stomach didn't particularly help and she never thought the day would come where she would be calling herself a four-shot wonder. She'd always said anything under six shots to get someone drunk meant they were a light weight. It was already three in the morning but there was no such thing as starting too late—at least not in her world.

"Whoa, slow down there," Aidan told her, "I might have to cut you off soon."

"For what I'm paying, I think I'll take my chances," Sawyer shot him a small smile, "so I'll have another shot of tequila, if you don't mind."

Aidan smiled a kind of crooked smile and looked at the line of face-down empty shot glasses sitting in front of the petite redhead like she'd accomplished some kind of personal triumph or something, "This is your last one. I'm serious, Havoc. I'm going to have to ask you to stop after this."

"It's not like I'm being a nuisance to society—especially when society's already asleep," she sighed, taking her fifth shot with a brave face. She was already drunk so it wouldn't change much, although she was sure in five minutes, she'd be feeling that shot, "try to go easy on me today, Aidan."

"Long day—huh," he leaned against the edge of the bar, using a small white towel attached to his waist band to wipe away the excess droplets of tequila that'd accidentally hit the counter, "anyway—we're closing soon. Need me to get you a carriage to take you back home?"

"Nope. I live in the barracks," said Sawyer, "it's only a block away so I'll be okay—"

"Doctor Havoc," in walked Martin, a nurse from the hospital she worked at with a face full of sweat like he'd just run the marathon—eyes wide like he'd seen something truly awful, "Doctor Suedaïyah needs you back at the hospital. He says it's urgent."

The redhead narrowed her eyes and pushed herself up from her seat, head feeling only slightly dizzy, "I'm _fine_," but her words came our slurred and empty and she looked like she was already halfway to losing her wits, "did he say what it was about?"

Martin shrugged, "He didn't."

"I'm going to have to advise against that," said Aidan, "she's in no shape to be practicing medicine tonight. She should be sent home."

"Uh-uh. _Barracks_," said Sawyer, "my home is in the North."

"Well aren't you charming," Aidan stated with a small smile.

"I try my best," she told him; and without warning, she pushed past Martin and stumbled out of the bar and fell straight on her face.

* * *

Doctor Suedaïyah was in the middle of the surgery so Sawyer took the time to banana bag herself. Suedaïyah was around twenty years older she was, with a balding head of gray hair like he'd seen better days. He was a good doctor, a good surgeon, and he was one of the last doctors in the hospital who'd been train from the ground up. He was beyond the time of quick medicine and there was no responsibility quite like the responsibility that he carried on his own two shoulders.

The banana bag was quite simply a transparent, banana-colored bag chock full of electrolytes and vitamins. It was usually applied to patients who were dehydrated and high off uncontrolled substances that circulated seasonally throughout the city. It was a simple way to rehydrate patients quickly and drive out the excess drugs from their systems; it was also an effective way to get rid of the drunken stupor people had especially after drinking. Not that she ever thought she'd be in this position. Being drunk in a hospital. She'd always prided herself on keeping work and play separate.

She prodded herself with a needle but couldn't get a good touch on her veins. How she finally managed to get the IV in her arm was beyond her but here she was, standing in the middle of the corridor, pacing back and forth with a banana bag hanging from a metal stand she was rolling around. Wherever Sawyer went, the banana bag followed hanging over her head like a yellow omen. She wasn't a particularly tall girl so whenever she halted, the banana bag would hit her over the back of the head. But in her drunken stupor, it was difficult for her to digest the fact that if she took a couple of steps to the side, she'd avoid being pounded on the whole night.

"I need to talk to you."

She stopped abruptly, the banana bag slamming against the back of her head while she turned around, pulling her metal stand next to her, staring at a very familiar looking captain. Each word he said was slow; at least, to Sawyer, who felt the time pass by at an abnormally stalled rate.

"Now," he told her sternly.

"Meet my banana bag," she told him, eyes glazed—she motioned to the transparent yellow bag looming over her head, "his name is Paul."

He stared at her.

"Are you…drunk?" Levi asked, arching a brow in only mild curiosity.

"Um, _yeah_. _Duh_. What else is new—" She told him, "—wait. Why are you here? Didn't I help you discharge that titan out already?"

A tick mark of irritation formed on Levi's mouth and he grabbed her roughly by her free arm that wasn't holding the banana bag and pulled her into a nearby broom closet soundlessly. Her metal stand barely followed in time before he slammed the door closed behind her. The banana bag hit Sawyer in the back of the head and she had a look of slow, burning irritation like it'd taken her an extra second to process the fact that she was getting needlessly pounded on by Paul.

"It would be wise to learn to keep your big mouth shut," he told her coldly.

She rubbed the back of her head where she'd been hit by the banana bag, "Jeez…are you always this rough on people?"

She was a petite girl—tiny. Smaller than Levi was, which was probably saying something. Maybe he'd grabbed her a little roughly, but the thought didn't concern him for too long. Sawyer was probably too numbed from the alcohol she'd ingested earlier on to actually process any kind of pain below her neck properly.

"Oh _shit_," she said, "_shiiiiiiit_. I get it now."

"What are you talking about," Levi snapped, "spit it out."

Sawyer pointed at him, jabbing him sharply in the shoulder, "This is—_like_—an ego thing, right? You _like_ being on top. People bend over backwards all the time for you—doing what they can, right? Catering to your expectations and orders…and stuff. Paul thinks you're full of it."

Levi narrowed his gaze, "Paul."

She motioned to her banana bag, "Yes. Paul," she repeated, followed by a pause, "he thinks it'll screw you over someday. Your ego, he means."

Levi looked like he was thinking something over carefully. His eyes darkened and he closed his eyes.

"It already did," he stated, finally, "once before."

Some silence filled the air. Sawyer's eyes softened considerably and somewhere deep inside her, she might've convinced herself she was beginning to sober up from all the alcohol, "Really?" Her voice cracked slightly, "What happened?"

He looked like he was mulling this over, looking at her like he was processing whether or not she was a good candidate. He was thinking about _something_ but it hardly read on his face so he said, "It isn't worth discussing."

"But…I want to know," it wasn't something Sawyer would ever admit aloud if she were sober.

"That doesn't matter. There's something else I need to tell you," he interjected.

"Um…and…what exactly would that be?" She asked him.

"You're going to resign today," he told her.

Deep within herself, she was floundering. But her mental processing of this statement didn't match up with the dumb look on her face; so she snorted and rolled her eyes, "Yeah? And what're you going to do? Force me to resign? Forge my signature on my resignation papers?"

"I already did," he stated, "now you have to confirm in person with Suedaïyah."

He watched her, and she stared back at him blankly. Then, she did the most unexpected thing.

She smiled.

Levi sort of wrinkled his brows, going over their conversation quickly over his head. Had he said something misguiding? Was Sawyer genuinely happy to get out of the hospital?

Next thing he knew, he was on the floor, with Sawyer straddling his waist while he was getting savagely beat over the head by her banana bag, Paul.

Her smile had thrown him completely off—and although he'd prepped himself earlier to defend himself from her (which should've been easy—after all, combat was his expertise), he was still finding himself getting beat by her—by her stupid banana bag.

"Why the hell would you do that, _bakayaro_!" She screeched, "Now I have to explain to my _boss_ that those weren't my papers—_seriously_! What the _hell_ were you thinking—"

Levi grabbed her roughly, a wrist in each hand. His hands wrapped completely around.

In her frantic attempt to beat the crap out of him, Sawyer ripped out the IV needle from her arm and a small stream of blood flowed down the side of her arm. A single teardrop fell down from her face and fell right onto Levi's right cheek. He looked at her from below without even flinching. He was calm…collected.

"I need you to trust me," he said.

Sudden stillness came over Sawyer and she looked at him, tears falling from her face onto his.

* * *

**note**—

_Diange_ - thank you so much! I actually haven't read a lot of Levi/OC stories so I'm glad to catch your attention :)  
_Sweet-sour-bipolar_ - Ohoho. Sawyer is, indeed, filled with bombshells! And thank you so much, I really, really tried to make the dialogue work while keeping Levi in character, which was actually really hard to do…harder than I expected lol thank you for the love! So much love for you :)

reviews = love = faster updates. Thanks for the love in the opening chapter!


	3. Trust

The World I Know  
_Chapter 3_

Trust

* * *

Sawyer's room was…a contained mess, to say the least.

Levi was still searching to find the right words. The whole debacle in front of him left him ambivalent at best.

Books and papers littered the floor in piles. Some books were still open while others were closed and tossed aside like she'd completely forgotten they even existed in the first place. There was absolutely no order to her madness, it seemed. In one corner, there was an empirical atlas on titan anatomy that was issued to anyone who opted to join the military academy. Underneath that atlas was a research paper on the human genome. Nothing was associated with one another and out of the corner of his eye, Levi even found a children's novel with a poor pauper boy on the cover. The book caught his gaze for no more than a moment because a certain twinkling sitting on Sawyer's cabinets immediately distracted him from perusing thoroughly through her books.

There were all sorts of trinkets sitting atop her dresser. Some were poorly made paper cranes (truly awful attempts at origami), wrinkled in all the wrong corners; some other trinkets were more elaborate, like the crushed flowers pasted against a piece of pastel blue paper and frozen in a poorly made wooden picture frame, or the bracelet bedazzled with cheap stick-on jewels, or even a small wooden box with a carving of the Survey Corps' emblem on top.

All of the trinkets sat next to a picture, or more so a portrait of a young boy who looked like he was no more than eight years old. He had Sawyer's fine auburn-red hair, her gray eyes and two missing front teeth. He had on a pair of shoddy looking overalls, coupled with a paperboy's cap that looked like it came from the city. The overalls and the cap were two separate juxtapositions, which probably meant he was from Sawyer's village in the north—the hat was most likely a gift during Sawyer's visit, a little something she could bring back from the city for him.

From what Levi could surmise, the boy was probably Sawyer's younger brother; he was probably the one who made her all the trinkets sitting on her dresser.

All in all, it took Levi only a moment to finish looking over her room. Without saying much, he bent down and began picking up her books.

He had a slightly cartoony way of going about this. Sawyer couldn't tell if it was the alcohol talking or the simple fact that Levi managed to suddenly have a bandana tied around his head, and a pair of rubber cleaning gloves on his hands, items all pulled from thin air. Despite having just resigned from her job, she couldn't help but raise an eyebrow in mild confusion at him instead of remembering to be angry with him. There could've been an abundance of things for him to explain to her, but Levi decided to clean up instead. Sawyer was in disbelief.

"So you won't tell me anything," she began, unable to hide the hint of skepticism in her tone, "but you'll clean my room."

"You live in a pigsty," was Levi's curt reply, "it's an eyesore."

What he said wasn't a complete lie but it wasn't the truth either. Aside from the trinkets on Sawyer's dresser and aside from all the books and papers strewn on the floor, she didn't have many other belongings at her disposal. Unlike most people, it seemed Sawyer didn't want to make herself at home in the barracks. Ultimately, it made sense for a girl who was so adamant about living her life in the northern village. _What I wouldn't give to go back_—she'd said to him. Levi wanted to scoff at the very notion but he slowly came to the understanding that for her, a return back home was a familial matter, rather than a personal vendetta against the city.

He paused.

"Don't trust Suedaïyah," he stated suddenly.

It occurred to Sawyer that her resignation might have had something to do with the attending doctor in charge of her that wanted to keep Eren at his disposal for further monitoring. Although Docotr Suedaïyah was a reticent man, he also came off as indifferent and impassive. There wasn't much he ever said aloud, and there never seemed to be much to keep his interest at the hospital, not even with the abundance of open wounds that came in through the emergency room. Naturally, it came as a bit of a shock that she should be so cautious of a man who looked like he didn't give half a damn about any of the events taking place around him.

But even though Sawyer had been working under him for over a year, she knew almost nothing about him. It was a rather horrifying conclusion she was coming to.

She half-expected Levi to elaborate, but the brooding looking captain simply picked up another book off her floor.

"Seriously? That's all you're going to tell me?" Sawyer asked, still in disbelief, "Don't screw with me. If that's really all you have, then I'm going to march right back to the hospital and ask for my job back."

"Not that they would give it to you anyway," Levi replied indifferently, "more likely, you'll spend the rest of your year locked up in interrogated. And tortured."

Levi reached for the messy stacks of paper littered over her floor; there seemed to be a slight uncomfortable silence in the air. Sawyer stared at him with her eyes narrowed, trying to focus on the words that just came out of his mouth, unable to completely process the notion that she could be locked up and maybe even physically mutilated all for discharging Eren against medical advice.

"And after the year ends?" She asked.

"What?"

"You said I'll spend the rest of the year locked up. What happens after the year is over?" Sawyer felt like she already knew the answer to this.

"You'll probably be dead," was Levi's stoic reply.

She cocked her head to the side, her temple making contact with the wooden frame of the doorway with a hard _clunk_. She shut her eyes tightly and sighed, "Why do you men always ruin other people's lives? And why do you have to be so ambiguous about everything at the same time? _Ugh_."

"Use your brain for a moment," he commanded, ruffling the papers upright. He pushed himself up, using his knee as leverage to stand up, "up until five years ago, all of Suedaïyah's work was in research. On _titans_. Ask yourself why he would suddenly close up that practice with their reappearance. Wouldn't a researcher labor harder with more physical samples at his disposal?"

It was difficult for Sawyer to wrap her mind around this notion. Using her brain wasn't exactly an easy thing at the moment because she could still feel herself under the influence of a mild drunken haze. So she reached for a free wooden chair and steadied herself slowly down near her distressed looking dresser. She pressed her chin against the back of the chair and tried to edge out the dizziness and nausea that made it difficult for her to piece two and two together.

"Suedaïyah wasn't the only one who did research. I did research too—" Sawyer started, but was cut off abruptly.

"—this isn't some kind of a dick-measuring contest," Levi snapped, rolling his eyes at the sheer stupidity of the redhead sitting in front of him, "if Suedaïyah dedicated his life to titan research for thirty years, why would he stop the moment the titans broke through Wall **Rose**?"

"This is a stretch," said Sawyer, "try to give him the benefit of the doubt. You're ruling out the fact that he could've been traumatized by all the chaos in the city. Maybe he just didn't look at the titans in the same way. Maybe that's why he dropped his research. I don't know. I'd like to believe in the best of people."

"The best in people?" Levi scoffed, "Don't you have a brain? Aren't you a doctor?"

He slammed one of her books shut, "If he were so traumatized by the arrival of the titans, which I suspect he wasn't, why wouldn't he quit his research the year the titans broke through Wall Maria? Why Wall **Rose**? Why the second wall? Try to think about what happened that day."

Some silence filled the air. Slowly, and not all at once, the pieces began to click inside Sawyer's head.

When Wall Rose was breached, it was rumored that there was a titan who decided to take out a dozen or so other titans before collapsing from sheer exhaustion. It was a complete anomaly that a titan was defending human beings from its own kind. Some of the numbers were exaggerated to the hundreds but Sawyer surmised that it must have been a considerable amount of titans for the townspeople to talk about it for days on end. Most of the stories ended up being hearsay so even she didn't believe it for a while; too many things were lost in translation and part of Sawyer was convinced that the whole thing was a fable constructed from nothing, or at least a rumor that went too far.

But she was beginning to understand that it wasn't simply a fable. Everything seemed to lead back to one thing: _Eren_.

If he was the titan that famously blocked Wall Rose after it was breached, was he also the titan that killed the other titans?

It suddenly occurred to her that Suedaïyah wanted Eren. _Needed_ Eren. Although she didn't have all the pieces, she surmised that he must've submitted a research request from the city council, only to be rejected at the last minute during the council meeting. It was common knowledge that Eren was taken in by the Survey Corps, away from the research laboratories. Without Eren, Suedaïyah probably quit his research altogether and waited in the hospital where he knew Eren would eventually be admitted into (one way or another).

_Eren_.

"Do you ever feel like you might not even be the main character of your own life?" Sawyer asked quietly.

Levi snapped another one of her books shut and placed it on her nightstand, "I'd tell you to reign in your own ego but," and here, he met her gaze; a look of understanding formed on his face that she'd almost missed completely, "I do."

Sawyer hesitated for briefly a moment and stared up at Levi blankly from where she was sitting in her chair. She was unsure if she registered what he said correctly. Although it would be strange to bring it up, this would probably be the first and last time the agreed on anything of personal significance. Levi seemed to also register this fact because he turned away from her almost immediately, picking up another one of her open books lying on the ground.

Seeing that this was the atlas on titan anatomy, Levi decided to _dog-ear_ the corner of the page to save her the trouble of looking for her place later on.

Seeing this complete and utter atrocity take place in front of her, a tick mark formed on the side of Sawyer's head, "Don't. Do. That."

"I'm saving your page for you," was his nonchalant reply, unaware of the look on Sawyer's face that read pure irritation and anger, "be grateful I even bothered."

"You better drop that book right now," said Sawyer slowly, but adamantly, "unless you want to be in a world of pain."

"A world of pain? What a joke," Levi deadpanned right back without missing a beat.

A crackle of electricity shot between their eyes.

"Hm. You're still drunk," he stated, "it wouldn't be a fair fight either way."

"So what," was Sawyer's reply, without hesitating, "in the morning, I'll be sober but you'll still be…_you_."

"If you spent more time actually practicing medicine instead of working on your comebacks, maybe you'd be a better doctor," Levi stated calmly.

"Well, now I won't be able to. I'm jobless," her gaze sharpened angrily and she turned her attention to the trinkets sitting on her dresser.

There was a pause. Levi glazed over the quip about his personality because he generally took those kinds of insults with a grain of salt. Besides, it occurred to him somewhere that he was the reason why she lost her job. If he hadn't asked her to discharge Eren, then she would still be working in the hospital. She would still be in the comforts of making a stable living. In the end, she simply got caught in the line of crossfire. And he was the reason why she was even within range of being shot at all.

He hadn't even thought it through, really. He was ruining this girl's life; and she was just a single domino in the end.

"So why did you do it," his question came off as more of a statement, "why did you quit your job?"

She couldn't put the pieces together at the time—she didn't know about Suedaïyah's ulterior motives. And yet, she put the pride aside and decided to resign in the face of uncertainty despite everything Levi was forcing upon her.

Sometimes, beyond the rank and badge, Levi wondered what it was about people that held him to this mantel of leadership. Sometimes, he wondered what he did to earn their respect and trust beyond just being good at his job. Without the Survey Corps, he'd probably still be some punk ass loser living in the dumps, being angry at the world for giving him these circumstances beyond his control; he'd probably still be a reckless little shit trying to prove himself without ever really making pace with his bull-in-china-shop crap attitude.

"You told me to trust you," Sawyer half shrugged, shifting her gaze away, "whatever. It's…whatever. I don't know," she took a deep breath and looked like she wanted to say something more; but instead, she just sighed and finished with an uncertain, "I really don't know."

Levi watched her from the corner of his eye. He could've chalked it up to her lack of motor skills in her drunken state. He could've even chalked it up to her distaste for him after resigning from her job. She might've been simply stuck in a perpetual state of shock. When he asked her to leave the hospital, he was almost sure she would refuse. With all the deaths surrounding him and his squad recently, he was almost sure that following even an inkling of his plan was a step in the wrong direction.

Ultimately, Levi was lost—he'd been unsure of himself as of lately, even though he would never admit this aloud. There were almost too many circumstances he could've thought of, but in the end, he undid the dog-ear in the corner of the atlas, closed the book and left it on her bed.

"Do you still trust me?" He asked.

Sawyer looked at him and if he didn't know better, she could've been sobering herself up through the miraculous use of her brain to process the question he just asked. She shifted in her seat and stared at the floor, fidgeting here and there, "You know what? It's weird. But yeah. I do."

He walked towards her doorway and paused within the frame, nothing particularly readable from the indifferent expression on his face.

"Thanks," was his curt reply before leaving her room without another word.

* * *

Sawyer awakened the following morning to sound of loud bustling in the hallways of the barracks.

She was lying on the floor, a wad of saliva on her cheek. Although she would've liked nothing more than to mope around all day about losing her job, the loud reverberations in the hallway forced her to push herself up off the ground, wipe the saliva off her face and get ready for a new day.

It took no more than fifteen minutes for her to get ready with a quick, cold shower and a much needed brush of her teeth. She pulled her hair into a high ponytail, dripping water all over the floor while she walked back into the bathroom. It took her a moment to realize that she couldn't put on the uniform corporate black dress issued to her by the hospital; so without thinking too much about it, she grabbed a red tank top and a skinny pair of khakis before heading out the door.

The hallway was empty.

Slowly, Sawyer walked out, giving a sideways glance down each end of the hallway from the frame of her room. Then, she gave a look towards Levi's room, which was much farther down the east end. The barracks were suspiciously quiet and it was even more so suspiciously empty. Nobody seemed to be in their respective rooms, which was a complete anomaly. After a mission, the Survey Corps usually filled up the barracks; and with the recent attacks on the wall, there were more wounded casualties from the Garrison regiment, which meant there should be more soldiers spending their time in their rooms for bed rest.

Speaking of wounded casualties, Sawyer decided to head towards Levi's room, giving his door a knock. With no response, she wrapped her hand around the doorknob and pushed, only to realize that it was locked.

She lowered her head in disappointment. He was gone too.

Suddenly—an explosion.

The sound was loud and the vibrations reverberated through the floors of the barracks. Sawyer lifted her head and ran to the nearest window. She watched in horror as a building collapsed in the distance, dust billowing up like smoke in the sky.

Then—a shadow. It was a titan.

There wasn't so much Sawyer could see from her vantage point, but as the titan made its way away from the dust and crumble, she could surmise one certainty:

The titan was female.

* * *

**note**: thank you so much for the love in the last chapter! You guys are amazing.

So this chapter follows the final episode of AoT (anime, not manga). And following the female titan scene, I'll be following the manga. (: I have a lot of plans for you all!

_CeCeAndrews_: Thank you! I tried to make Sawyer relatable and likable, which was difficult without her coming off Sue-ish.  
_Sweet-sour-bipolar_: I didn't know if the drunk scene would come off okay with people but I'm glad it hit the right notes! ^_^

Reviews = love = faster updates! Thank you so much all!


	4. Your Hands

The World I Know  
_Chapter 4_

Your Hands

* * *

Sawyer hadn't done this much running since her training days at the academy. Even so, she spent half the time desperately avoiding the commander in charge so she could avoid the cardio workout in the first place.

_Lazy piece of crap_, she scolded herself, aware that her reluctance to run back then had seriously bit her in the ass.

While every single person was pushing towards deep within the city, Sawyer was running against their selected course of passage. It was a painful sight—like watching a small, insignificant insect challenge the force of the wind during a storm. Something cliché like that, she thought wryly to herself. It was a bit stupid, she realized at some point; evolutionarily speaking, Sawyer wouldn't survive if she continued to have this mindset of ignoring the critical consensus.

Being brash and irrational was her forte, in the end.

She tripped over her own two feel, falling to her knees; she skid to a sudden halt. People continued running past her—a few ran right over her back while she grunt aloud in pain.

It was pure chaos and anarchy at this point. She never knew humankind could be such an unstoppable force. Even Sawyer had to admit that she hadn't ever seen anything quite like this before—not even in her time grueling away in the hospital with all the open wounds and infestations. Not even during her research days. Not even during her first day as an intern on the job with Suedaïyah at the helm.

Sawyer was painfully out of place—and with no maneuvering device—

From where she was lying, she spotted the sheen of a 3DMG from the corner of her eye. Yet, it was still attached to a crushed body—probably caught in the crossfire—and she tried to avoid the open deadeye gaze of the lifeless boy lying on the side—the boy with the device still attached to his hip.

He might've actually been one of the lucky ones compared to the rest. Sawyer had actually run this scenario numerous times over in her mind. If she could choose between being crushed or being eaten alive, she'd surely choose the prior. At least the death would be instantaneous—or as instantaneous as it could get depending on the force of impact. Being chewed alive wasn't something that her stomach could handle, even in these series of hypothetical situations running through her mind.

_Too morbid. Stop that_, she scolded again herself inwardly.

After adjusting the 3DMG to her hip properly, she shot out the first line, being pulled forward like a rocket—she could feel some heavy whiplash in her neck. It'd been a while since she'd used this thing. She hadn't been on the 3DMG in a long time and it was nothing like picking up a bicycle after years of stagnation.

It only took a moment in the air—the second line couldn't clasp quickly enough to the next building—before Sawyer found herself with her cheek pressed roughly against the gravel on the ground.

She groaned, rubbing gently the area that had taken the greatest impact—her knees. If she hadn't been more careful, she might've ended up with two bum legs. Surely then, she would've been truly useless.

"_Oi_."

A carriage picked up beside her and a very familiar dark-haired commander stared at her from the open window with a look of disapproval written all over his face, "Oi, _idiot_. You're going the wrong way."

"No. I'm not," was Sawyer's response; she'd gotten over the fact that he wasn't a greeter, "I saw something."

Levi's eyebrow shot up, "What kind of idiot runs _towards_ the area of danger?"

Sawyer stared at him curiously and motioned towards the area where she'd seen the explosion earlier occur, "The same idiot who saw a female titan—that _was_ a female titan, right? I didn't know they even existed in nature."

"Where did you get that 3DMG from?" He asked nonchalantly.

They were obviously having two different conversations and Sawyer knew she wouldn't get anywhere if she decided to be stubborn and continue her own line of questioning, "There was a boy—he…uh—died. So I took it."

Levi paused in order to register this fact, "If you know what's good for you, go home," he snapped, "before you get killed."

"Hm, no hint of denial. So that _was_ a female titan then," Sawyer insisted on continuing, completely ignoring Levi's warning, "I saw it emerge from the dust…and—wait. There was another one. A male. _Fit_. Muscular. Wait. They were fighting, right? Was that _Eren_? What the hell is going on?"

"Nothing that concerns you," Levi stated sternly while the carriage continued forth at a faster pace—Sawyer jogged alongside enough to keep up; Levi decided to continue, "you're rusty. I saw you fall. If you don't get out of this area, there'll be no guarantee that you'll be alive when this is all over."

"What is with you men and your need to be super secretive about everything?" Sawyer groaned in irritation, unable to hide the cross look of distaste on her face, "Even if it _is_ a female titan, why would it be something that doesn't concern me? Why is it something you need to hide? I could_ help_ you! I could—"

"—go home, _idiot_," Levi snapped, "we don't need another useless casualty to get in the way."

"Wait," the pieces began to fit inside Sawyer's head, "why does this titan matter so much to you? I thought only Eren—"

Then, Sawyer's eyes widened, "Are there others like Eren?"

Levi sneered, "I said absolutely nothing of the sort—"

Before he could finish, Sawyer shot out a line from her 3DMG and sped off. This time, she didn't falter.

* * *

Levi watched from the distance as Sawyer turned into a speck. He silently wondered how something like _this_ could happen to someone like _him_. Despite his best intentions, this idiot girl had run off towards the area of danger—against all odds, against the current of people who were running away from the female titan.

_Annie_. She'd figured it out. He groaned, and it became pretty certain that his need to keep everything under wraps had truly bit him in the ass. Never did he think for once that trying to keep something a secret would actually be the death of him.

Yet, he couldn't comprehend her stupidity despite her ability to put the pieces together. How could someone who chose to be a doctor be so dense about her own well being?

_Nothing ever adds up according to logic_, he surmised with a grimace written all over his face.

Slowly, he glanced back at the body of the boy she mentioned earlier.

Then, he came to the slow realization that she'd forgotten to take the blades that were still lying in the boy's hands.

"Goddamn. _Idiot_."

* * *

Sawyer trudged slowly along, running out of gas in her 3DMG before she could even get near the wall.

She'd taken a hard fall because she hadn't calculated correctly how much was left.

She hadn't been to cut Levi off mid-sentence but it was just too infuriating to know that he wouldn't tell her anything despite her obeying his every wish and command. She made a mental note to question his course of action more often in the future. The power must've gotten to his head at some point. Even if his commands were in her best interests, Sawyer was unable to hide her own curiosity, having dabbled in a bit of titan anatomy in her research mandate earlier in her career. She'd never seen a female specimen before—not even in her textbooks on titan anatomy.

In fact, she was always under the impression that there only existed male titans. The universe could've really fooled her otherwise. With this little thought in mind, she wondered what else was outside these walls that were seemingly keeping them in.

"Must…keep…going," she mustered aloud to herself. Somewhere deep inside, Sawyer was afraid she might go crazy if she didn't keep herself going. So with a small groan, she continued forth, feeling a layer of sweat stick to her shorts.

She thought about her younger brother and wondered how he was doing—if he was still doing well in school—if he was still taking care of their horses. At this rate, with all the titan invasions, it would probably be a good idea to take him to the city. Although the north was almost an untouched safe haven, Sawyer knew that he would be safer if he were closer.

At least, she would feel a sense of security having him nearby. Then they could probably beg on the streets together, she thought bitterly to herself—remembering her current unemployment status. She mused this silently, knowing that her younger brother would probably put a positive spin on the whole thing.

That was just the kind of boy he was. _Ridiculous_ she thought silently to herself with a wry smile.

"H-Hey!"

Instinctively, Sawyer whipped her head around, reaching for a blade at her side, but coming to the slow realization that she'd forgotten to pick it up from the boy earlier on. A sweat drop rolled down the back of her head and she smiled sheepishly at the thought.

"Y-you! _You!_"

There was a boy lying at the end of a dark alleyway. He couldn't have been more than thirteen.

Sawyer ran over.

He was missing a leg completely, bleeding out at an alarmingly fast pace. And he had all sorts of ugly, dark bruises littered over his body. _Massive internal injuries_ was Sawyer's first thought as she reached out her hands, unsure of where exactly she should begin.

"We have to stop your bleeding," she said this more to herself than for him, eyeing the wound; it wasn't a clean cut, which meant that the bleeding would be sporadic.

He groaned, "Alton Hawke."

She pressed her bare hands against the bloody stump where his leg should've been, wondering if she could create a makeshift tourniquet from his green cape lying on the ground. Unable to process what he said while thinking about how to freaking _save his life_, she asked, "Sorry, what?"

"My name," he mustered out barely; he wheezed, trying desperately to say something that Sawyer couldn't quite make out properly, "That's my _name_."

"Alright," she said, reaching for the green cape with her free hand— "don't speak right now. You're only going to strain yourself."

He grabbed her hand in midair, looking her in the eyes, "I need you to do me a favor."

* * *

By the time Levi arrived on sight, things had already been subdued. He'd gone out of his way to cut Annie out of her titan form but due to a _minor incident_, she managed to freeze herself up in crystal form completely.

Although he silently pined for better news (perhaps, some miracle to cut through the crystal with some invention that Hange was probably in the process of making), the better part of him understood that she had frozen herself for good—at least, for the time being. Essentially, she was a useless asset for them now. Hange threw a blanket over the crystal encasement with an uncharacteristic grimace on her face and a group of soldiers prepared to load it into a nearby cart.

As everyone packed up, preparing to leave the site, Levi spared a look around the area with half-lidded eyes.

Sawyer was nowhere in sight.

He rubbed the pressure point on the back of his neck, his blade still in hand. _Idiot. Did she get herself killed already_?

It wasn't something completely out of question. More often than not, those who didn't show up were dead. He considered this fact with half-lidded eyes and tried to shrug the thought off.

She was the one who decided to run into danger without a single blade on her.

Dead. _Really_. It was ironic considering the fact that she was a doctor. It might've been the last place she expected to end up. He tried to brush off the slow realization that if he'd kept his mouth shut about Suedaïyah—that if he didn't force her to quit her job—she might still be alive. _Breathing, living_. Levi clenched his fists and resisted the urge to sigh. He wasn't good at this whole _regret_ thing.

Sawyer might've been annoying but at least she was a girl with good intentions. A stupid girl with good intentions. Levi supposed that in the grand scheme of things she would've died—with that kind of attitude, at least. She wouldn't survive in the real world. It was a good thing she decided to drop the blades and the 3DMG when she entered the workforce in the hospital; her knack for disobeying would've gotten her killed otherwise.

He entered his carriage.

* * *

"Levi-heichou!" His driver motioned to a nearby alleyway, "There's a survivor!"

Levi whipped his head around to see a very familiar looking redhead looking in his direction, a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. Hange was sitting next to her with a look of concern crossed over her face while in front of them was a mound on the ground, covered with a white sheet stained with blood.

A dead body was Levi's first guess and more often than not, he was usually right about these things. Call it intuition—or call it a simple principle of probability—Levi couldn't care less at this point.

Doctor Sawyer Havoc met his gaze, stared in his direction weakly; he averted his gaze to her face, smeared with dirt and gravel; her knees cracked open with very blatant open cuts, like she'd fallen several times, irritating the open wounds. How careless could she be with her own body?

He exited his carriage and headed in their direction, "Hange. Status report."

"I ran out of gas," Sawyer blurted out sheepishly, before Hange could speak up; she scratched the back of her hands, cracked with blood, "I…—ran out of…"

She trailed off slowly while Levi averted his gaze to the mound in the ground with the white sheet covering it.

For once, Hange didn't have that dumb smile on her face. She gave a curt nod and Levi lifted the blood stained sheet slowly.

"His name is Alton Hawke," Hange stated, putting an arm over Sawyer.

He couldn't even tell who it was from the way the face was crushed in. The entire left leg was missing—a cut off femoral artery. There were massive internal injuries everywhere and they were sizable from the look of the bruises stained all over the visible parts of the body. Even if Sawyer had the right tools, she wouldn't be able to save him from the sheer size of the wounds, internal and external.

Levi couldn't quite look away from the face, crushed in like an external force had slammed it roughly from the side—messy and unorganized. It wasn't something that looked like titan fodder. It wasn't something that was a telltale titan sign. Which meant the head wound must've been created by a human.

A human that had tried _more than once_ to kill with force.

It was only here that he noticed the moderate sized piece of wood sitting next to Hange—stained in red. It looked like it came from one of the nearby buildings. Only Sawyer's 3DMG was in view; it seemed Alton's was nowhere in sight.

From what Levi could surmise, this one wasn't one of the lucky ones. Sawyer must've arrived just in time to see him get ripped apart—she must've arrived just in time to watch him suffer.

"You tried to mercy kill him?" Levi's voice was hollow—unnerved.

His question hung in the air for only a moment before Sawyer lowered her chin, trying desperately to grab onto some remaining dignity. _Dignity_—she wanted to laugh at the very notion but she couldn't—_wouldn't_. Instead, she just stared at her hands, stained dark red with blood.

"He told me he needed a favor," she mustered out, losing her breath; and there was a pause before she continued, "but he wouldn't die after die after the first hit…"

And for the first time in a long time, Levi winced.

Sawyer closed her eyes, "He just…he wouldn't…"

She sucked in a short breath, stumbling carelessly over her own words.

It was only here that he realized she was crying, "I'm so sorry."

* * *

Inside his carriage, Sawyer was silent. It was something completely uncharacteristic of her.

There were hundreds of casualties all the time; some of them were luckier than others. Usually, those still on the field suffered slow deaths. It was a fact of life in their line of work. Levi knew this; Hange knew this; Erwin knew this. It wasn't something they could change. As long as these titans lived, there would be suffering. Even if they could prevent this kind of suffering, no one actually went out of their way to _kill_ another comrade as a form of mercy.

"Sorry," she muttered, rubbing at dry blood stained on her hands, "there's just…so much blood."

Euthanasia.

Levi clenched his fists.

"Sorry," she said again, her skin fading an irritated pink behind the very apparent crimson on her hands, "…I'm sorry."

Not just euthanasia. A _botched_ attempt at euthanasia.

"What the hell were you thinking?" He snapped.

Sawyer's eyes were still glued to her hands. Her palms were still covered in gravel and blood. It seemed like she didn't have the courage to stare him in the eye. Even after she got into his carriage, she just kept staring at her hands and rubbing at the blood stains. What she was trying to feel for, Levi wouldn't understand; he didn't _care_ to understand at this point.

From the sad, pathetic, feel-sorry-for-me thing she had going on, he almost had the nerve to _pity_ her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, "I'm so sorry."

He grabbed her by the wrists roughly. Slowly, she looked up to meet his gaze.

"Your hands?" He said, narrowing his gaze, "It's not hard to figure out. They were made to save people. To _help_ people."

She seemed to register this fact, the deadeye blankness fading from her eyes.

"You don't need that kind of blood on your hands," he stated coolly, releasing her.

There was a moment of silence where Sawyer just kind of looked at him—surveying him. Levi felt a bit unnerved by her blatant gaze but instead of saying anything, he just crossed one leg over the other and stared out the open window of his carriage.

"Do you have blood on your hands?" She asked.

Nothing changed from the look on his face—he still wore a conscious mask of indifference. Levi just continued to stare out the open window of his carriage while he closed his eyes, "Yes."

* * *

**note**: reviews = love = faster updates. Won't update until reviews are up to 25.  
also borrowed a bit from full metal alchemist just 'cause. ed/win ftw


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